Genius, but wrong
by Arienhod
Summary: A TV show with 5 guests, 5 questions and 5 correct answers. And a 1000 wrong ones. Join in.
1. Viewed by: Joanna

***Author's note-part 1* After being distracted for so long by different fandoms my focus finally returned on Star Trek (mostly because of the new movie). Once that happened I dug out my notebook with ideas for new stories and decided now would be a good time to start writing again.**

**This one has been in the process of making since my last story was finished but I couldn't decide on how to proceed with the actual idea. And then it hit me (not literally).**

**The story is rated T because of the language, if necessary I will change it to M but hopefully that won't be needed.**

**The story will be somewhat interactive, you can find out more about that on the bottom of the chapter in the 2****nd**** part of the author's note.**

**The idea for this story comes from a German TV show "Genial daneben". I don't own it nor do I own Star Trek.**

* * *

Joanna giggled and quietly closed her bedroom door. He mom was downstairs in the den entertaining her extremely loud, and extremely annoying, group of friends. Her mom had no idea that the noise they were making was perfect to mask the sound of Joanna's favorite TV show that was about to start.

The truth was Jocelyn believed the show was as stupid as those who were in it. Starting with her ex-husband.

But Joanna loved it and didn't care what her mother thinks. It's not like they were close anyway. Her dad had the full custody and she only had to spend one month every summer living with her mom. And she was happy that month was almost over.

Joanna flopped on her soft bed and snuggled under the cover before she turned on the TV and changed the channels at lightning speed until she reached Starfleet channel. The commercials were still playing and she sighed in relief, glad that she hadn't missed a single second. A giggle escaped her again and she bounced on the mattress. She may act more mature then her nine years most of the time but something about seeing her dad goofing around with other people always made her giddy.

Not that Leonard McCoy would ever admit he did something like that. No, goofing around was for immature people, Jim Kirk being the primary example.

The sound of the music made Joanna snap out of her thoughts.

It was starting.

* * *

Christopher Pike turned towards the audience in the studio behind him and smiled before focusing on the cameras. He had his share of host jobs behind him but this one was by far the craziest; or coolest, depending on the level of insanity during those forty-five minutes.

He waived at the cameras, and through them at the viewers, before announcing "Welcome back to this week's episode of the most entertaining TV show ever made. Because all of the guests are: Genius, but wrong!"

After the applause five people entered the stage and sat at the long table opposite of where Christopher sat. He made a big show of searching through the papers on his personal table before picking up one that would help him announce this week's participants. He obviously didn't need it since he knew all of them personally, being the members of the same TV network and working on the show for several months now, but it was all for fun.

"We have here three repeat appearances. Staring with Jim Kirk, the heartthrob from sci-fi TV series 'Final frontier'. Next to him we have the TV's most famous doctor that tells us week after week about the dangers of modern life, Leonard McCoy. And last but not least of our permanent guests is the TV psychologist and book author, Spock."

All three men greeted the studio audience and the viewers, with the blonde blue-eyed Jim Kirk as usually making the biggest show out of it by standing up and blowing kisses, making the doctor on his right frown and roll his eyes.

"Let's not forget our remaining two guests." Pike started to speak just as Jim sat back down and sent a female in the audience a wink "Everyone's favorite do-it-yourself guy whose show has inspired millions to do things with their own two hands, Montgomery Scott."

The short haired man in a red shirt sent his greetings hastily before focusing back on a piece of paper in front of him and scribbling something on it.

"And as a cherry on the top of the cake, Christine Chapel, award winning actress that just recently accepted a role in a TV hospital drama series 'Sickbay One-Seven-O-One'."

Just as the lovely blond woman was about to wave Jim Kirk, in his usual immature way, interrupted her by turning in her direction and grinned before saying "I wouldn't mind being a cake if you were on top."

No one was surprised when words "Damnit Jim." followed soon after. It was their usual banter and people loved them for it. It was why the show was so popular in the first place.

"Now that all the guests have been properly introduced it's time for everyone to do their thing." Christopher smiled and took the paper from his desk.

But before he managed to say another word Montgomery Scott, or Scotty how he was introduced in his own show, piped "Jim will cover the 'wrong' part of the name."

"Oy, I was right once." Jim instantly went to defend himself and it took him several seconds before he realized his mistake "What I meant-"

"Too late kid." Leonard interrupted him mid-sentence "Once means once."

"Actually, since Jim was right with that statement that makes him right twice." Spock offered in his usual calm and collected voice, his face never revealing the amusement he felt.

Christopher Pike knew now was the time to interrupt, before their bickering took away too much of their time. Silently he wondered what would happen if they were left to quarrel once they started. Would he manage to ask a single question or would they just keep going the entire screening time?

"Okay, lady and gentlemen. And Jim. I hope you are ready because I have for you the first question." He said grinning at a mock frown on Kirk's face "What is a 'twit'?"

A grin spread on Leonard's face but before he managed to say anything Jim cut in "No. I won't take the blame for it."

Christine rolled her eyes "Oh, stop being a twit, Jim."

"Sorry, but that's not correct." Christopher said "Some might disagree, but according to the encyclopedia Jim is not the answer."

"Is it something to eat?" Christine asked and received the answer "No."

"Is a twit an inanimate object?" Scotty asked the next question.

"No." Christopher answered. According to the rules he could only answer with 'yes' or 'no', but sometimes that rule was slightly bent.

"So it's something alive?" Jim asked making the usually collected Spock groan.

"I believe not-inanimate means it's alive." He commented.

Christine looked at Pike seriously "Are you absolutely sure it's not Jim?"

He had to laugh "Yes."

"Is it an animal?" Leonard asked.

His question was answered with a "Yes."

Jim elbowed him "So it's your expertise."

"I'm a doctor, not a veterinary."

Scotty instantly groaned and Jim grinned "You just won me fifty credits. I bet I'll manage to make you say your "I'm a doctor." line."

Spock shook his head "Is it a warm-blooded animal?"

"No."

Being the most logical, and if we're already honest, the most serious one in the group he started to count the possibilities "So it could be a reptile, a fish, an amphibian-"

"Ok, is a twit a somehow different then a regular member of its species?" Christine asked suddenly.

"Yes." Christopher confirmed.

"Like some sort of lizard without legs?" Jim piped in.

Everyone turned towards Jim and Pike shook his head "That's called a snake. And, no."

"Is it an amphibian?" Leonard asked.

"No."

"That leaves it with a fish." He mused before turning towards Spock "Any ideas regarding this special fish?"

"Is it any fish or a certain fish?" Spock asked the host before correcting the way he asked "Is it any fish?"

"Any as in everything that counts as a fish or…?" Christopher asked to clarify the question.

"Yes." Spock explained.

"No."

"Only one certain fish is called a twit." Christine concluded based on the previous answers before adding "And only if it's somehow different."

"Is it because its albino?" Scotty asked.

"No, sorry."

"Is it pregnant?" Jim asked pointing a finger at Christopher.

"Ah, you could say that." The host offered smiling.

"Ha!" Jim jelled before turning towards the other four "A little help here. I can't answer all the questions myself."

"Is twit an egg laden saltwater fish?" Spock asked.

"No."

"Is it often seen in aquariums?" Christine was feeling pretty giddy as she asked.

"Yes, very often. Even I have a few." She grinned as Christopher answered.

"Ah, an egg… what's it called again… goldfish?" Scotty asked.

"Egg laden." Spock offered and Christopher smiled.

"You are correct." He said before someone else offered another answer "A 'twit' is an egg laden, or pregnant as Jim put it, goldfish."

Their correct answer was rewarded with applause from the audience and Jim, as usual, sent another kiss to a random girl sitting in the top row. She blushed and giggled right away making the young actor pretty pleased with himself.

"Now on to the next question. While you are on the roll and all. What are bloodhounds unique for?"

"What is this?" Jim asked groaning "Some kind of animal special? Cause I wasn't told."

"No animal special. Just another question that if answered correctly will bring another one thousand credits to the Enterprise foundation that funds a large number of medical researches. So bloodhounds are unique why?"

"They have the most developed olfactory sense among the canines?" Spock asked.

"Not sure if it's the most developed but that is somehow connected to the answer." Christopher had the right to bend the 'yes-no' rule slightly if necessary so decided to use it.

"They can smell farther then average dogs?"

"They can find the scent after a month?"

"They aren't confused if someone they are tracking leaves black pepper on his trail? Or hers?"

"They can separate the smell of a man of that of a woman?"

"They know if a snake is poisonous by smelling her?"

The questions kept coming and Christopher Pike kept saying "No." and smiling at the absurdity of some inquiries.

"Give up?" he asked after the five seemed to run out of ideas. When they nodded he announced "Since you haven't offered the right answer the one thousand credits are going to a viewers fund and will be awarded to one lucky viewer whose question will get picked out of all arrived ones and asked on the next episode. That is if you don't manage to answer that question correctly either. But back to the explanation. The thing bloodhounds are unique for is they are only animals whose evidence is admissible in court. Of course animals that are considered actual evidence don't count."

Jim groaned and thumped his head on the desk "Seriously?"

"Sorry. But maybe the next question will be easier."

"Like there are easy questions in this show." Scotty muttered.

"Can we have some question connected to sex?" Jim asked "Cause those I can answer easily."

"Nope, sorry." Christopher grinned before asking the third question "What does 'Checkmate' means?"

Four pair of eyes turned towards the person sitting in the middle, namely Spock. He turned left and then right, his face completely without emotions in the process, before he spoke "Just because I play chess does not mean I know the meaning of a name for an inescapable and indefensible attack on the opponent's king."

"There you have it!" Jim waived an arm in Spock's direction "It means an inescapable and indefensible attack on the other guy's king that leaves the guy dead."

"I can't accept that as a correct answer but you are surprisingly close."

"Surprisingly?!" Jim protested and then elbowed Leonard after the doctor snorted "It means the guy is dead!"

"The guy being?" Christopher asked.

"The king." Christine answered instead of Jim "The king is dead."

"And there it is. The correct answer." applause interrupted before the host managed to give a more detailed explanation of the term. But once it stopped Christopher smiled at the five that looked extremely pleased with themselves, even Spock in his usual composed manner "'Checkmate' comes from a Persian phrase 'Shah Mat' and it means, like miss Chapel answered, 'the king is dead'."

"With Jim's help, of course." Christine added.

"The king is dead with Jim's help?" Scotty asked before turning towards the blond man "Just what have you been doing in your breaks lad?"

The audience instantly laughed and Jim's face turned bright red "Hey, I did some crazy things but not that crazy."

"Three down, two more to go. Are you ready?" when they confirmed Christopher added "After this commercials."

* * *

Joanna was smiling. She met all those people because her dad took her frequently with him when he was doing his TV show and she know they were just as fun in real life as they were on the screen right now. Jim even offered to get her some small role in 'Final frontier' but so far she was unsuccessful in persuading her dad to allow her to go into acting.

She didn't really want it; she just wanted to spend more time on the set so she can laugh at all the crazy things Jim does when the cameras are turned off. And sometimes while they were still rolling.

The musical passage they used as an intro made her smile again. They were back.

* * *

"Welcome back to 'Genius, but wrong'." Christopher Pike said smiling to the camera. He ran a hand to his graying hair before addressing his five famous guests "I hope you are still ready because here is question number four. What does 'zip' in zip-code stands for?"

"Well crap." Jim muttered and looked to his right "Any ideas? Cause mine are all wrong."

"How can you be sure they are wrong?" Christine asked.

"Because I doubt it means 'Zebra in painting' or 'Zane's irresistible pizza'. It's good but not that good."

"Zone in post office?" Christine asked and everyone looked at Christopher hoping for a confirmation. But all they got was a "No."

"Why don't you just tell us and put all of us out of our miseries because there is no way we can guess that one." Leonard commented.

Scotty instantly agreed "I'm with McCoy. Does that thing even have a meaning?"

"Yes it does." Christopher said.

"And the meaning is?" Jim asked.

"Are you sure you won't keep trying? Cause I think you can guess it." When they all confirmed they are giving up on this one Christopher shrugged "Oh, well. You win some, you lose some. Zip stands for 'Zoning Improvement Plan'. The name was proposed in 1944 by Robert Moon, a postal employee, and finally implemented in 1963. That also means you have answered two questions correctly and didn't give right answers to two questions. Let's see how you do with this last question. What is… oh dear God…"

"Is that an actual question?" Spock asked "Because I do not think-"

"No, no. That was just my reaction." Christopher Pike explained before once more running a hand through his hair "The question is…" he took a deep breath "…what is 'JussiPussi'?"

Jim instantly perked "I thought you said none of the questions will be about sex?"

"It isn't about sex." Christopher pointed out, annoyed by who ever picked this question.

"It sure sounds that way." Jim singed grinning the whole time.

"Relax kid." Leonard muttered.

"Is it something to eat?" Christine asked and Scotty grinned before adding "If it's some kind of a sandwich I want one. Or two. Or five."

"Yes." Christopher answered "It's something you can eat."

Jim spread his arms, almost hitting Leonard in the process, before commenting "You know, I meant the same thing."

"No Jim, I do not believe you did." Spock pointed out and then asked "Is it made out meat?"

At that time Jim had to look down and grip the side of the table to prevent himself from blurting the next thought that appeared in his mind at the question.

"No."

"Is it a plant?" Spock asked another question and Christopher looked down on a paper in his hands wondering how to answer that one.

"Not directly a plant but…" he let that one unfinished.

"It's made from a plant?" Christine asked and at a "Yes." looked at the four males on her left and asked them "A suggestion? My creative juices aren't flowing right now."

"Don't do this to me." Jim groaned.

"Jim, my kid is watching this. Behave." Leonard commented his friend's behavior.

"Tell that to the person who thought this question was appropriate for all ages." The young actor said back before focusing on the host "Is it some kind of supplement?"

"No."

"Is it in the food pyramid?" Leonard asked.

"Kind of."

"Is that a 'yes' or 'no'?" Leonard asked uncertain what Pike mean.

"It's 'kind of'."

"Is… JussiPussi…" Christine had a problem with saying the word without feeling completely uncomfortable "…a name of a product?"

"Yes."

"Is it made out of vegetables or fruit?" Leonard asked.

"No and no."

"Aha, so it's out of grain!" Jim stood up from his chair "It's bread."

"Not bread per-say." Christopher commented "But you are pretty close once more."

"Bread sticks!" Jim yelled at the same time as Christine said "Dinner rolls."

"And… you are once more right." Christopher said and Jim grinned before the older man added "I mean the lovely miss Chapel. JussiPussi is a name of dinner rolls from Finland."

Applause as well as a rather loud laughter awarded the correct answer. Once the audience became silent again the intro music played.

"And this means we are at the very end of today's episode of "Genius, but wrong". You got three out of five questions answered correctly and made the Enterprise foundation three thousand credits richer. And one of our viewers could win the remaining two thousand from the fund next week." He turned towards the camera "So join us again next week; same place, same time. And watch how five questions can have a thousand wrong answers. Good night!"

* * *

Joanna yawned and turned off the TV. Now she could go to sleep. Anything else they might show on any program wouldn't be nearly as fun.

And as she lied down and pulled the covers up to her ears she made a mental note to ask her dad why Jim was being so silly with that last question.

* * *

***Author's note-part 2* I want this story to be interactive just like the actual show that is the base for it. So all readers are more then welcome to submit questions and the most interesting ones (or funniest) will be asked in one of the next chapters, with a credit to the person who submitted it.**

**You can write it in your review or send me a private message. It should contain the question, the answer, and an instruction if you want it to be answered correctly or not.**

**Thanks for reading!**


	2. Viewed by: Carol

**Author's note: I don't own Star Trek or the German TV show Genial daneben that was an inspiration for this story. All questions mentioned in the story are found on the Internet.**

**Story is interactive; all readers are welcome to submit questions.**

**All those who wish to participate send me a review or a PM with a question, answer, and instruction if you wish it to be answered correctly by the guests or not.**

* * *

Blue eyes glanced towards the large wooden clock. It was an inheritance that used to belong to her grandfather and the most valuable item Carol possessed. It was decades old but the pendulum clock still worked perfectly. And right now it was showing her she still had ten minutes before the show started.

She sighed and tucked the strand of blond hair behind her ear; fully knowing it would escape in few seconds anyway. She glanced at the clock and sighed again. It was useless to even try to concentrate right now at the task before her. The notes were giving her a headache and she briefly considered skipping the whole TV watching and going strait to bed. Maybe have a nice long bubble bath first.

She groaned and stood up from her work desk. That wasn't going to happen and she knew it. She made a promise and Carol Marcus always kept her word. She wasn't like her father who stood her up countless times. Who called her when she decided to go to college and told her she was throwing her life away. She supposed to join the navy and become an officer. She supposed to become someone he can be proud of. Instead she chose a civilian life. She chose physics. They haven't spoken since.

Truth be told Carol did tried to contact her father right before graduation, she hoped he would come to see her being a valedictorian, that he would hear her address that she worked over a week on. But her father's secretary informed her he wasn't to be disturbed. The great Admiral Marcus was at a meeting.

Sure he called her afterwards; he called her and left a message. He said he had more important matters to attend to and won't be able to be there. He told her he's hoping to see exactly how she plans to get a decent job with the useless degrees she spend several years and thousands of credits on.

And she did struggle. Applied physics and astronautics weren't something that was needed on every corner, and although they were interesting subjects, finding employment was practically impossible without several years of work experience in those areas. But how was she supposed to get experience if no one wanted to hire her?

She got lucky one evening in a diner while waiting on a group of people hunched over a piece of paper. She asked what she could get them; one of them jokingly lifted that paper towards her and said they needed to make this look more real.

Two days later Carol Marcus became a consultant on the set of Final frontier. Because no one thought to hire one before. She still didn't know how they missed doing something so important for the appearance of the whole series.

That was where she first met Jim Kirk. He thought she was the love interest of the character he played and looked little sad when she corrected him. For a few seconds that is, then he grinned and asked her out to dinner.

Carol sat on the sofa and turned on the TV. Her thoughts instantly returned to Jim. Although she initially told him no she ended eating several meals with him in the months that followed. They were in his trailer and she was helping him with some of his lines because he wanted to understand what he was talking about, but still. It was enough for her to see the guy behind the character he played. Which was why she invited him to dinner last week.

That was when she agreed to watch the TV show he was a regular guest in. Not that she had a choice, he was pretty insistent and she had no other choice but to promise him she would.

To be honest she hadn't even heard about it till he mentioned it.

The intro music made Carol focus on the screen.

* * *

Christopher Pike hated the heat. He was born in the summer but he hated the heat. Especially the heat that was always in the studio under a dozen reflector lights. The air-conditioning was working on maximum but only thing it accomplished was drying the air so it felt like they were in a desert.

He sighed and ran a hand though his hair before trying to focus on the positive. Only forty-five minutes. And it was all live, no second takes.

He waved at Salek, the show producer, and walked on the stage to take his position. He briefly wondered if Jim would actually go though with the thing he mentioned after the last episode but didn't bother thinking about it too much. He would find out soon enough.

Instead he focused on the papers in front of him. Today they had three regular and two new guests. Basically the usual setting.

He smiled at the camera and began his usual speech "Welcome to this weeks episode 'Genius, but wrong'. You know how they say: new day, new victories. Let's see who is it that will try to be victorious this week."

Five figures stepped on the stage, followed with applause, and took positions at the long table opposite of him.

"With us are: Jim Kirk, who takes the viewers to the Final frontier; Leonard McCoy, the man who knows exactly how modern life can harm you; Spock, the expert in psychology who understands everyone's problems. And the newcomers: Nyota Uhura, a fellow TV host with her own show, in which she teaches children foreign languages; and Pavel Chekov, another TV host that has younger audience that learns all there is to know about math and physics."

"Pavel also has older audience." Jim pointed out "You can't even imaging how many fan letters he gets from teenage girls who are charmed by his boyish looks."

"Jealous, omelet man?" Leonard asked looking at his friend critically.

"Omelet?" Jim protested "This thing is a classic!"

But all the attempts to defend the omelet yellow Hawaiian shirt were useless. Everyone, apart from Spock, was looking at it like they were ready to burn it. It was tacky and distracting.

"It is not appropriate." Spock said calmly "We are not somewhere tropical."

"We can be." Jim grinned and ran off the stage only to return seconds later with a large inflatable palm tree and several leis hanging on his arm. He placed the palm next to his seat and turned towards other four that looked at him like he was insane "Now…" he lifted the flower necklaces "… who wants to get leid?"

The sight before him answered Christopher's question. Yes, Jim Kirk was crazy enough to wear Hawaiian shirt and try to turn the stage into a tropical island.  
But that was why they were so popular. Why the producers put up with his childishness. Hell, they encouraged it even.

"Let's get started." Christopher moved the attention to himself "I hope you are ready because here is the first question. What is 'tersorium'?"

Five people looked at him blankly before exchanging looks of confusion. None of them had the slightest idea where to start. And that basically meant they were forced to improvise. Jim didn't mind that one bit. He was an expert at improvising. Just ask the folks on the set, he improvised every time he forgot a line. That usually meant they had to do repeat the scene but at least everyone had a good laugh.

"It's a woman who cries because she spends too much time in a solarium and now looks like fried chicken." Jim offered the first guess.

"No." Christopher right away answered before asking "How in the world did you come up with that one?"

"I connected the words 'tears' and 'solarium'." Jim explained like he was talking to a four-year-old "That term is connected to a solarium, right?"

"No. The term is 'tersorium'. And it isn't in any way connected to a solarium."

"Oh." He muttered before turning at Leonard "You try it. Maybe it's some nasty disease a person can get while cleaning a terrarium."

The doctor looked at his friend like the younger man was completely insane, and wondered for a hundredth time if that perhaps is the case with Jim Kirk. He shook his head and focused on the host in front of them.

"Is it an item?" he asked instead of trying to guess straight on.

"Yes."

"Is it in use?"

Christopher looked down on the paper before chuckling "I certainly hope not."

"So it was something that was used in the past." Spock commented and looked at the lovely woman on his right "Perhaps a name in a foreign language?"

She shook her head making the long horse tail swish left and right "No, at least not in any languages I know." She commented before looking at Christopher "You said it's no longer in use. Did people stop using it this century?"

"No, not this century."

"So earlier. Was it used in before World War I?"

"Yes."

"Whoa, let's stop right there." Jim stopped Nyota before she managed to say another word and she send him a death glare "Before World War I could mean anything from Atlantis to beginning of the 20th century."

"Atlantis Jim, really?" Leonard asked.

"Actually scientists have discovered certain anomalies in the currents of the Atlantic ocean as well as in behaviors patterns of large squids that could indicate there was in fact land somewhere between the continents of South America and Europe." Pavel commented and Leonard raised an eyebrow while looking at the young man in confusion.

"You aren't really believing in that stuff. Are you?"

"There are many things that aren't researched enough doctor. So much of our planet is still unknown to us." The Russian answered.

"I agree with mister Chekov." Spock commented and Leonard groaned before looking at Pike.

"Was that thing used on Atlantis?" he asked the host.

Christopher managed to keep a straight face and answer "No."

Leonard turned to Jim "Try a different time period."

"In one of the ancient civilizations?" Nyota took over the questioning "Mayas, Incas, Egypt."

Christopher mused on the answer "Ancient yes, but not that ancient."

"So ancient Greece or Rome." Spock commented and looked at Nyota "None of the philosophers whose works I have been studying have ever mentioned that it. Perhaps it wasn't necessary for them."

She nodded and looked at Christopher "Was it used in everyday life or in special occasions?"

"In everyday life."

"Was it a piece of clothing?" she asked further.

"No."

"Something edible?" Nyota asked but didn't get her answer because Jim interrupted once more.

"That would have been the first thing Christine asked." He pointed out "She is always so focused on food."

"At least she doesn't make out explanations." Nyota said back "A crying woman that looks like a fried chicken. Only you can come up with something like that."

"What can I say?" Jim shrugged "It's a talent."

Nyota muttered something no one understood before focusing on the host "So, is it food?"

"No, sorry. It's definitely not edible."

"Is it an instrument?" Leonard asked.

Christopher looked at him and asked "No, you can't play it either."

The doctor looked at his left "Wanna try again with one of your crazy ideas?"

Jim shrugged "Nah, we still have four questions left. I want to save my ideas for later."

Christopher Pike looked at each person before him before saying "Anyone else wants to try or can we count this one as not answered? No one. Well listen here. Tersorium was used in an ancient Rome. It was a sponge attached on a stick and used after bowel movement. Between uses it was held in a bucket filled with salt water or vinegar water." He looked up from the paper "This means one thousand credits now go to the viewers fund and could be awarded today to one lucky viewer."

Jim looked at Leonard and stage whispered "Guess we crapped this one, huh?"

Leonard only side glanced at Jim before focusing back on the host. But a small smile managed to escape anyway.

"Alright folks, let's try the next one." Pike said and placed the paper with the previous question down before picking up a new one "What do a foot and a forearm have in common?"

"I know!" Jim jumped of the chair.

"Well, let's hear it." Christopher said wondering if they were really going to hear and answer or…

"Leonard is a doctor. He can answer that question." He kicked his friend's leg "Right? You know the answer to that one? Are you an expert for bones? Hey, maybe I should call you that! Sounds tough, like some superhero. Bones. Doctor Bones!"

Leonard groaned "Good God, Jim. Do you have to act like an infant?"

"Yes. No answer the question, Bones."

"Yours or Pike's? And don't call me Bones." Leonard asked calmly.

"Either!" Jim growled.

"Relax." Nyota leaned in her chair to look at the blonde man that was still standing "And sit back down."

"But he refuses to answer the question." Jim whined.

"No I don't. I'm just waiting for you to get of the sugar high. Or what ever high you are currently on."

"Ha-ha-ha. You need a new sense of humor Leonard. Your old one ran away screaming." Jim said finally sitting down.

"Can I get that answer now?" Christopher asked.

"Of course." Leonard said calmly "The common thing between the foot and a forearm is that they are both the same length."

"And that is correct! Great job Leonard." Pike said and lowered the paper back down.

"Seriously?" Jim asked in disbelief "No way."

"Oh good God." Leonard muttered and turned towards Spock on his right "Move a bit towards the lovely miss Uhura."

"Why?" Spock asked calmly.

"Because Jim is about to see in practice if that is true and I do not want to be in his vicinity when he takes his shoe off. So move."

The audience laughed as Nyota moved towards Pavel, Spock towards her, and Leonard towards Spock. Leaving a large gap between the four of them and Jim who currently had his foot propped on the table in front of him and was untying his shoelaces. He glanced in their direction and frowned.

"Seriously guys, you are overreacting."

"We will be right back after these commercials." Christopher Pike said into the camera lens "Hopefully by then this thing will be resolved."

* * *

Carol couldn't believe what she just witnessed. She knew Jim was a joker but she never in a million years expected him to act that crazy. And that on live television. She mentally reminded herself to pull the 'leid' prank on him at first opportunity. As a proof she watched the show as promised.

She didn't know any of the other participants but she could see how well they worked together despite having completely different personalities.

She instantly wondered if Jim hung out with any of them outside of the studio too. And if he would be willing to introduce them to her. They seemed like such great individuals. She didn't know many people in the city and those she did were waitresses from the dinner she used to work with. They rarely spoke anymore after she told them shecouldn't just get them roles in the Final frontier. She was a consultant; she didn't have that kind of power.

Needless to say they didn't like that.

But Carol didn't and never will regret moving to San Francisco. It was a fresh start she needed. All she now needed were new friends. Cause as fun Jim was he just wasn't enough.

And she wasn't sure for how long they would remain just friends anyway.

* * *

"Welcome back to 'Genius, but wrong'!" Christopher said after the intro music played, marking the commercials were over and they were back on "If you joined us just now you have missed two questions. And only one correct answer."

When the camera showed the five participants they were all sitting calmly on their places like nothing happened. The thing with the shoe was clearly resolved.

"Let's go to the question number three. It's another one from the production so if you answer correctly one thousand credits will go to Enterprise foundation. Which country has zero birthrate?"

All five participants continued to sit still in their places and Christopher observed them with amusement. They exchanged looks trying to figure out the answer, but no one said a word or asked a question.

Finally after few minutes Nyota slapped a hand to her forehead "It's Vatican. No one was ever born there."

Before Christopher managed to congratulate her Jim piped in "Technically a woman can give birth on the Saint Peter square. The means the kid was born in Vatican."

"If a woman goes into labor on the Saint Peter square the logical thing would be calling an ambulance and getting her to a hospital, rather then delivering the child on the spot." Spock commented.

Leonard simply pointed in Spock's direction with his finger "What he said."

"Yeah, but if there was some big thing going on and they couldn't get her to the ambulance on time. Then the kid would be born in Vatican." Jim pressed on and Christopher sighed. He liked the kid but he could sometimes be so difficult.

"I'm pretty certain everyone would move aside to allow her to pass." Pavel pointed out from the other side of the table.

Leonard pointed again with his finger "What he said too."

Jim once more opened his mouth to make some remark when Christopher cut in "Anyway, the answer was correct. Now to see if you'll have the same luck with the next question."

"Luck has nothing to do with it!" Jim pointed out "We're brilliant."

"What do you mean 'we'?" Nyota asked "Leonard and I were the ones who gave the correct answers."

"Yeah, but I said Bones here knew the right answer. That's got to count for something."

"No." Spock said calmly "I do not think it does."

"And don't call me Bones." Leonard added.

Christopher laughed before reading from the paper "The next question was submitted from one of our viewers. Firebirdgirl wants to know what is a spong?"

"It means to leap, jerk, bang." Jim answered confidently "So basically it's connected to sex."

"No and no." Christopher said "That is 'spang'. We are looking for an answer what is a spong. With an 'o'."

"Ok." Jim nodded before leaning in his chair "Hey Nyota, what is the name of that thing women wear over their bathing suits? That wrap around thingy."

"That's a sarong." She answered.

"Well shit." He muttered at her response before elbowing Leonard "Any guesses?"

"Absolutely none. Don't know even where to start. Although the word reminds me of another one."

"If you are thinking of a thong, me too. If not, then I don't know what you are talking about."

"Is it an object?" Spock asked calmly, ignoring the two men next to him, and trying not to reveal how uncomfortable it makes him feel that they are talking about female underwear on live television. While sitting next to him.

"An object it's not." Christopher answered.  
"Is it alive?" Nyota added the question.

"No."

"So it's dead but not an object." Spock was unsure how to understand that.  
Luckily he had Jim to voice his thought, although in a ruder way "So what the hell is it?"

"That's for you to guess." Pike answered calmly.

"I don't know for the others but I give up." Jim said raising his hands in a surrender motion.

"I believe this is the first time Jim didn't speak for all of us." Spock pointed out.

Leonard nodded "You are right. Someone mark the date on the calendar."

"Don't leave your day jobs to become comedians you two. Your sense of humor is lacking something important." Jim was annoyed.

"And what exactly?" Spock asked.

The blonde man leaned in the chair to look at him behind Leonard's back "Humor."

"Are you even going to try to guess or giving up? Nyota, Pavel? You two have an idea?"

"No." Nyota answered and Pavel shook his head. He was just as confused. Ask him about numbers and he'll answer correctly in a second. He wondered where in the world people came up with these questions.

"In that case congratulation to Firebirdgirl! You just earned yourself four thousand credits from the viewers fund! And to answer the question, something I'm sure all our viewers are waiting for, a spong is an irregular, narrow, projecting part of a field. Also known as a tongue shaped piece of land."

Applause was an extra award for the lucky viewed. And once the studio audience calmed again Jim turned towards Leonard "I'm going to the first computer after the show is over to do a search for a picture of this thing. I justcan't imagine what that looks like and I have a pretty wild imagination. You in Bones?"

Leonard sighed but nodded silently. He was just as confused and went though all the images in his head of the human tongue. But a tongue shaped piece of land. Seriously?

"And the last question for today." Christopher said inwardly glad they were almost over. He loved this job but sometimes he wondered where he got the patience to deal with Jim's childish tendencies. Or everyone else's. Even Spock can be difficult with his logical thinking. But he needed to think positive. One more question then nothing for a whole week. That means seven days without any of them in his vicinity "What is a capon?"

"It's a gangster." Jim offered the answer instantly.

"No, his last name is spelled differently." Christopher said.

"It's a dyslexic gangster!" Jim corrected himself making the host groan in disbelief.

"Is it something to eat?" Nyota asked.

"It can be eaten, yes."

"Ha!" she said in Jim's direction "Unless we are all cannibals it's not a gangster. Not even a dyslexic one."

"Is it a fish?" Spock asked pleased that at least Nyota was focused on the goal.

"No, not a fish."

Pavel leaned at the table "I think that is some sort of poultry. I remember hearing about something like that in Russia."

"A poultry is a good guess." Christopher commented.

"There is a verb caponize." Leonard mused "It means something along the lines 'to castrate'. And since it's poultry-"

"You can't castrate a chicken." Jim pointed out.

"You can if it's male." The doctor pointed out.

"A castrated cock. Nice Bones, very nice." Jim was frowning at his friend.

"Actually that's correct." Christopher pointed out, although he would have used a different word.

"What?" Jim was actually surprised.

"A capon is a castrated rooster. But the name Jim used counts too." He pointed out "That means Enterprise foundation just got another one thousand credits. Congratulation!"

Jim leaned forward and looked at Nyota "Told you I was brilliant."

She rolled her eyes on his wide grin but couldn't help to smile. He was crazy at times but he was smart. No doubt about it. But there was no way Nyota would ever say that out loud. Kirk didn't need anyone to inflate his ego some more; it was big enough as it is.

"That's it for this week! Once more congratulation to Firebirdgirl for submitting one tough question and earning herself some credits! Join us next week: same place, same time! Goodnight!" Christopher greeted the viewers and all five of his guess waived, with Jim blowing a kiss to the camera, and the intro music started to play.

It was over.

* * *

Carol was sitting on her sofa in disbelief. She didn't know about the show before last week. She didn't watch it before tonight. But she had every intention to watch it from now on. They were all way too amusing to miss.

Her cell phone beeped and she leaned towards the side table and picked it up. She had one new message.

From Jim.

_"Hey Carol, that kiss was for you. __I'll __see you tomorrow. __I'll __even bring coffee. Good night! –Jim"_

* * *

**Thanks to Firebirdgirl for submitting a very cool question! Feel free to submit your own!**


End file.
